Big.
Mistake.
Admittedly we went on an extremely hot day, but you never ever want to walk into a business when there is a heat index of 105º outside and it be HOTTER inside the business. No doors propped open, no fans on, just oppressive, grease-filled heat choking the life out of you as soon as you walk in the door of this tiny establishment. Because the griddle and deep fryer were out front with the customers it was just that much hotter. We walked up to the counter and were immediately greeted by a man who has run screaming past "friendly" to dive head first into "obnoxious beyond all human comprehension." Let me just state for the record that 2 words that would best describe me are "loud" & "obnoxious", so I can be fairly tolerant of both in other people (especially the loud as I am hard of hearing) but this man's voice was like nails on a chalkboard and he never stopped. He babbled at us for 5 minutes about the self explanatory and extremely simple menu & method of ordering. Almost immediately after we pick up the menu he asks us what we want. What do I want? More than 30 seconds to read a menu and decide what sounds good, that's what I want. (and maybe for you to turn the volume on your mouth down a little) So under a bit of duress, as he spasticly tries to take our order or tell us to step back so he can take the lady who just walked in's order (she's not ready either) or crack wise (he never really finished any of these thoughts) mom & I place our orders.
Me: double bacon cheese burger with onion, tomato, pickle, wasabi mayonaise, no lettuce, (who wants wilted lettuce? I mean it's gotta be 115º in there easy, that lettuce would be NASTY!) and sweet potato fries.
Mom: hamburger with everything (no ketchup, no mayo) and regular fries.
We sit down at the only table available which is filthy. There are 4 people behind the counter goofing off, yelling inappropriate things at one another and paying no attention as I get up and wipe down my own table and clear off what was left by the last customer. (this is one of those places where you bus your own table, so it's not too much to ask that one of the teenage mouth-breathers come out with a wet rag and get the goo off of the cheap vinyl tablecloths) At no point does anyone say, "Oops I'm sorry that you had to clean your own table." In fact if they had been paying any attention at all I'm sure they would have asked me do a quick once over on the bathroom while I was at it.
I'll give them this, they are fast, which is good because even 5 minutes in this heat feels like eternal damnation. Of course in retrospect I'd have rather they take their time if it meant I would even moderately enjoy what I was eating.
Everything was greasy, and I don't mean in that, "Heck yeah, I LOVE a big, fat, greasey burger!" In that, "Oh my god I can see the bun breaking down into sludge because there is fat flowing from everything in this basket!" sort of way. In the 5 feet from the cooking area to our table everything on my burger had fallen over and oozed everywhere making picking up and eating the burger quite difficult. They also cut their onion into tiny pieces and while I understand that in theory it make sure you get some onion in every bite, but when there is a lava flow of greasey cheese coming out of the back of your burger, the tiny onions get carried away like so many huts from a mountainside village. This burger has angered the volcano gods! The meat was seasoned in a way that reminds me of trying to mask freezer-burned meat, I can't describe the flavor beyond that really. It was a combo of generic seasoning salt and bad meat. (not spoiled, just low quality)
The fries were even worse. I am not a fan of "blackened", "charred" or as I like to call it, "just plain burnt" food. I don't know if they are attempting some culinary innovation here or if they just don't know how to use their fryer properly, but the sweet potato fries were simulataneously greasey, soggy and floppy AND burned to the point that I was picking pieces of carbon formerly known as sweet potato off of the ends. If I wanted to eat greasy charcoal I would just fish it out of our grill after a barbeque, thanks.
As for beverages, mom and I both got sweet tea, which was not very sweet at all. So unsweet, in fact, that I check to make sure that I hadn't gotten unsweetened tea by mistake only to find out that all that they serve is "sweet" tea and fruit tea. I don't want my tea to taste like syrup, but I want to be able to discern some hint of sweetness. I foolishly looked to the ice machine next to the drinks to cool my beverage with icey goodness, but there's a sign pointing me toward a glass-front fridge across the room (much like convenience stores use for sodas) with a plastic tray of mostly melted ice in the bottom. Joy!
I will never go back, not even to give the food a second chance. (which I would normally do) The environment was so oppresive & annoying and food so incredibly lackluster I just don't see the point. In is closing, this place is hot, loud, dirty, obnoxious, greasey, inconvenient and over-all not very good.
In case you don't believe me or (I hope for their sakes) they were having a VERY bad day, you can check them out here:
Gabby's Burgers
493 Humphreys St.Nashville, TN 37203
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